Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
