my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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