I wanna passion pit in your ass
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Be still, my beating vagina.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Randomize
