So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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