That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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