im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
