her vagine was all disorganized.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
