i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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