bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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