Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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