sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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