I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
