just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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