can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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