dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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