Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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