This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
