i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
