how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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