and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
