So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
