my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Those nachos came to me in a dream
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
