this boner is exhausting
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
