Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
