A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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