THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize