Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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