I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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