Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
