I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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