We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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