i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
