this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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