So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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