it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
