Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
