Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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