She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
