I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
