; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
