Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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