YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize