My hand turned me down
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
