You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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