I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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