Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
it was like eating out sand paper
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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