he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
