you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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