Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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