nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
only you would photoshop your dick
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i out mim tonsoeep
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