i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
