Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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