I just cut my nipple shaving
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I need moral support for this bender
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
