Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
