I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
