i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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