i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
