I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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