Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
