I want to stick my p in your. b.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
