Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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