PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
