My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you have to choose: penises or morals?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
