I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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