I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
