just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
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