Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
