hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
