where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
