Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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