Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize