Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
