you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I look better un-naked...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
