Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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