i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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