Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
