I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
