I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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