I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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