god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
