i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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