I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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