Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize