Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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