Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Best friends brother. Beat that.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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