The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
3 2 1 whiskey
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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