so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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